I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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