like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
