College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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