i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize