I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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