I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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