my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
