so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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