she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
