Can i not drive my cunt home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
