broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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