you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
