I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
