Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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