I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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