u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
