I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize