I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize