Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
