he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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