I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
