I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
