I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
