she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
