we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
