I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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