Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
