Plan B is the new Plan A
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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