Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
