Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
