I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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