Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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