So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize