this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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