I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
