Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize