Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
