Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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