I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
