my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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