I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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