I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
