Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it glows. i had to have it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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