So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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