Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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