Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
