Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I smell stomach acid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
