Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
