Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
