How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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