i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
