My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize