I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
handjob tips. give me some.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
