did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
