also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
