Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
