my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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