Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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