If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
