I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
