thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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