I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
