this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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