Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize