I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
