im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
